I love you; Let's 'kind of date'.

love-wallpaper-10244346.jpgSo it’s Kwansima’s birthday and I’m really excited! 21 on the 21st isn’t a joke oo. I quickly dash to her side of the room-yeah, she’s my roommate- , and jumping on her bed I ask, ‘Sister Girl, tell me, what’s Kojo doing for you on 'our' birthday? All I want is cake and chocolates'. Kwansima just laughs and asks, ‘Why do you think he will do something for me? It’s not like we’re dating or anything’. Seeing my confused look she further explains in the only sentence she finds prudent, ‘We just have ‘a thing’’.

What IS a ‘Thing’? Call me crazy, but I seem to have a lot of friends around me being in so many ‘things’ that I don’t know the total number of variations. This ‘thing’, which our generation has created so lovingly is in simple terms, SILENT DATING!

So silent dating, self-explanatory really, is dating silently. A relationship where there hasn’t been any formal known commitment, but the two children practically live together! Our generation has turned out to be one that trembles at the thought of commitment. The whole idea of being ‘in a relationship’ causes peoples’ blood pressure to rise higher than the pressure of water used to wash my mum’s car at the washing bay. Most of us want the comfort of knowing that someone will always be there, without the commitment of always being there for the person. They want to have cute, long and late convos with people they don’t want to consider exclusive to themselves. They want the freedom that comes with being single, alongside all good things that are found in actual relationships (no one likes trials, temptations or feelings of doubt at all!). My generation, simply put, loves the thought of relationship goals, without the actual relationship and we all don’t know how just ‘goals’ can achieve that.

What we need to come to terms with is that, even though we seem to not want to be in relationships, we actually do. Don’t get confused. Let's look at Adjoa;Adjoa has been one of Cyril’s ‘likers’ for their entire stay in school- I’m talking primary through to junior high! Talk about diligence in feelings and Adjoa was your person. Now someway somehow, Cyril starts to show interest and decides to propose to Adjoa.

On the inside, Adjoa’s brain, esophagus and appendix are holding praise and worship sessions with resounding AMENS, singing in sounds humans will refer to as hunger pangs (shame on us!) Adjoa opens her mouth in response and ‘I’ll think about it’ is the only thing that comes out. All the worship, for NOTHING!

When it comes to relationships and dating in particular, we’re faced with two REAL choices;


  • The willingness to BE in a relationship, which will mean welcoming all the joyous, painful, exciting, sorrowful, tempting, adventurous and doubtful scenarios that it may contain. We need to realize that man does not control his life- God does. And He in His infinite wisdom, knows that in order for many to reach their destined life positions, they’ll have to go through a lot of stuff only He can understand, relationships being a major point of impact. If you’re involved in any ‘thing’ merely for the fact that you’re scared of a heartbreak, my friend, walleva you do, if your heart will be broken it’s going to be broken. It may not be your current thing mate. It may be the third, fifth, seventh or even the twelfth! (Que sera sera is not to be played with mehn)No matter how far you run from something, it always has a way of biting you in the butt unexpectedly. A heartbreak is NOT punishment mind you. It’s a terrible thing to experience true, but it teaches you, opens your eyes to things you were once oblivious to, brings you closer to God (contact me for more deets lol) and makes you a stronger person generally.




  • The choice to abstain TOTALLY from relationships because simply put, you’re not ready. It’s never been a crime to not be ready. I mean, if you’re writing a test you know all too well you haven’t studied for, we all know the most likely outcome. You may not fail, but the test results are not going to reflect what you’re really capable of. Likewise relationships. You should know yourself enough to ascertain your level of readiness. Are you prepared to divide your ‘me’ time? Are you ready wholly for the doubtful scenarios, the storytellers, boo chookers, are you really ready? Everyone is ready for the date nights, Valentine’s Day and anniversaries, not forgetting the social media advertisements. But think of the other side- the side most of us try to ignore, and judge yourself accordingly.




I’m a real sucker for all things relationship, and I get so excited when people around me get into them. I’m like the number one fan of every couple I know personally (ask my friends!). So, as a daughter of Eros, an apprentice of Cupid and Jesus’ princess all I ask for is one thing;

Choose a stance and stick to it. Don’t choose a fence that allows constant side switching, depending on your momentary feelings. Let's give 'things' a rest and deal in real stuff. If you know you’re ready, go for it chale. If not, join me on my couch and have an Oreo, maybe two if I decide to be kind lol.

God says; Love is patient, love is kind. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love Never Fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4 7-8).

Hope you enjoyed reading guys! Till the next one!
                                                 Kuukua (Shantays:shantays.wordpress.com) 

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